I cleaned the coffee machine. 

The one that’s been sat gathering dust. 
The one that’s been tempting me with a good time through the sleepless nights and long days.
The one I abandoned in my pregnancy. (in April 2023 may I add)

“But i don’t have the time. It takes too long”

To grind the beans and froth the milk. 
Not to mention cleaning the machine. 

I do enough of that with her bottles and utensils and the prep machine too. 

The excuses are as long as my mental to-do list.

But it hits me.

For so much of my life I’ve found myself asking and hoping for time to speed up. 

Moving from one milestone to the next. 
Looking forward to the next big event, the next birthday, the next holiday or a new job. 

So much time rushing about and wishing time away.
But why? For what?

Maybe it’s hindsight, perhaps it’s maturity? 
Or maybe it’s just the new year noise. 

But, in 2025 I want to slow down.

I want to take my time and let time simply pass me by. 

I’m in no rush for a new job, the next birthday (30, ooof), or the next seasonal holiday. 

I don’t want to flip the pages of my diary any quicker than I need to and I quite like the artwork on our monthly calendar. 
Let’s look at that for a while longer. 

Let January be January and March be March. 
I’ll let summer be summer and welcome autumn when it eventually comes. 
This year Christmas will be Christmas and in December Frankie will turn two. 

But I’m setting no alarms and I’m certainly not counting down. 

In 2025 I’m slowing down. 
I’m taking my time. 

I’m grinding the beans and frothing the milk and I’m enjoying every sip of my (proper) coffee. 

As I sit with her curled in my lap, my arms wrapped around her tight, I soak it in. 
The beauty of the still.
The beauty of now.

I take in the smell of her head and the warmth of her hands in mine. 

She’ll be shouting “down” and wriggling off my lap in a moment or two. 

The coffee will inevitably go cold as I chase after her, pick her up for the 100th time today and read her that book – again and again. 

But I have the time. 
This is the here and now.