Just sharing 2 of my latest thoughts & feelings on our postponed wedding; to whoever may be reading.

45 days out from our would be wedding date, July 28th 2021, and at this time I feel both relieved and incredibly sad.

My Head is Relieved

I feel guilty for feeling it, let alone admitting it, but I’m quite relieved that Ben and I made the hard decision earlier this year to postpone our wedding.

1. I know in my heart of hearts that if we were to be where we are now, having not postponed and awaiting the next government announcement still none the wiser on what the day would like, I would be a wreck.
   There’s no two ways about it. I don’t do well with stress at the best of times but a wedding? and a pandemic? and international travel for 50% of the guests during a pandemic? I’m not afraid to admit that that’s more than I could handle.
   The uncertainty of sticking to our date was just not viable for us as a couple or for our guests and that is why I feel relieved that we postponed.
   
   But here’s where the guilt lies – because I know there are so many couples who have planned their big day with the hope that their date fell ‘post restrictions’ and they have stormed ahead with the trust that Boris would stick to his ‘freedom day’ commitment. My heart hurts for these couples as they sit in limbo – waiting further guidance with the uncertainty of the unknown.
   

2. International travel is no easy task for most people at the best of times as it takes planning, saving, and quite a bit of organising.
That’s just in a pre-pandemic world so add in Covid procedures + travel quarantines and it’s a whole new ball game.
I’m relieved that I haven’t had to put my guests under the financial or emotional pressure of trying to fly internationally with ever changing restrictions and quarantine rules. Even if they were to all have waited to buy their flights… as it stands my American guests would need to quarantine for 10 days on arrival.

That’s not the experience I had planned for my friends & family when save the dates were sent in 2019.
Is it selfish to want my loved ones to enjoy their time here and make the most of London? I mean it’s no small ask for people to fly 5,000 miles for a wedding which I appreciate and that’s why we wanted to make sure it was more than just our wedding – that the time and trip was something they would get to enjoy and remember forever.
Call me crazy or selfish (as I have been) but I’m not having my friends and family fly into London for my wedding to first spend 10 days sat in a hotel room. No, no way. It’s financially not doable for most and 100% not what I want my loved ones having to do, or have had to worry about.

{Not to mention two of my best friends/ bridesmaids have had babies in the last three months. While I’m absolutely devastated I don’t get to enjoy newborn cuddles and to celebrate these strong beautiful mamas in their newest chapter, I couldn’t have asked them to add the uncertainty of quarantine + international travel with a baby to the already overwhelming time of being a first time mom.
(They’re both crushing the mom thing by the way – shout out to them both}

My Heart is Sad

This goes without saying and I won’t go through every single reason because the list is long.

But I think it’s important to acknowledge this feeling. I’m sad that we don’t get to spend the day with all of our favourite people.

Sad because I don’t get to see my closest friends and family from America after more than 2 years apart. Our wedding was truly going to be the union of two families as our parents are yet to meet and the same goes for our friends that are like family.

So while my head is relieved, my heart is sad that I’m having to wait even longer to see some of my nearest and dearest.